I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Randomize
