I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
