I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
