she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
