Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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