There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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