im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
