How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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