If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
