my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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