this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I understand Curling. That high.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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