i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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