Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Dear god my vagina.
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