I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Sext me about skeletons
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
