So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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