Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
