meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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