I checked into jail on foursquare
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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