I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
