I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Randomize
