sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
