im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Randomize
