you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
