How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
