Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
