I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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