he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
