Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Randomize
