i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Randomize
