I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
