My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
