You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
