Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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