I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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