I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
