He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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