What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
