this beer tastes like vomit already
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Randomize
