I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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