How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Randomize
