i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
