i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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