He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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