what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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