I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
