I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
