You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
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