I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
