this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
