he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
